I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House (2016)

Rating: Thumbs Down 👎

Such a promising movie poster too, shame.

I have not been in such pain since watching Rosemary's Baby. This movie was the longest, most pointless film I had ever decided to watch. I actually feel like there was a book I had to read before watching this movie in order to make any sense of it whatsoever. 

We start with a hospice nurse named Lily, but the elderly woman, and author, Iris, insists on calling her Polly. For the first chunk of the movie nothing really happens, and next thing you know it's 11 months later and nothing has really changed. Iris is still alive, Lily is still taking care of her, though you never see it. 

A mysterious mold patch shows up in the house and Lily is concerned about breathing that in. When speaking to the executor of the estate about this she also brings up the whole Polly thing. He says there is a character in one of Iris's books named Polly, so Lily decides to check it out. Too bad Lily is a giant scaredy cat who can't even get past one page in a horror novel. 

Polly's husband built the house Iris, and now Lily, are living in for her as a wedding present. He decides to kill Polly right after they're married and hide her body in the wall, the same wall where the mold is growing, shocking, I know. It is never explained why he kills Polly, there was absolutely no motivation. 

Polly was very pretty though, so still confused on the murder part.

I don't think Lily ever finished the book, and she didn't really start reading it aloud to us til the movie was nearing the end. I feel that I need to read that book to make sense of anything. 

Lily is so scared of a letter written by Polly that it takes a good minute and 30 seconds to even reach for it in the box. The fact that I watched the whole thing and got no answers was Hell. I really don't know why this movie was made. Lily and Iris die at the end, like I assume Lily died from a heart attack brought on by fear of seeing Polly's ghost, but she was only 28 I believe. 

This was just the biggest waste of time. Before Netflix switched to the thumbs up/thumbs down rating, Netflix had assumed I wouldn't like this film, but after switching it was a 90% match or something. 

If you like films that feel so long that they age you, and have literally no point, then this is the film for you. If you don't want to waste your time and actually want a movie with a plot this is not for you, avoid it like the plague.